The decision to go was quite last minute. I had heard about the JCI's Charlotte Square Club, but since being the sole centre of attention, in front of a room full of people, is my idea of hell, it did not seem like a good idea to go willingly into an arena where this was the intention. I was curious though, and knew confidence in public speaking was something that, if I could overcome my issues and become competent in doing, would have far reaching benefits.

I was sure that with JCI, it would be a sympathetic experience and a good starting point. I also felt that I could opt out of participation if I really wanted - if I went along and it was just too much of an ask.

To my surprise, and to my relief, it was a smaller than anticipated turnout. The chat before we got started relaxed me and by the time we got underway I was feeling less apprehensive. We did a brief round of introductions - standing up at the front of the room... I was suddenly not so fine. I remember very little of what the others said. My apprehension increased as they progressed through the numbers in the order we had been given earlier. Number 4 - I was. My body did not work to stand up, and I felt slow, clumsy, awkward, self-conscious, hot, flushed, sweaty, and incapable of speech as I got out my seat and made my way to the hot spot. It was uncomfortable and I don't know what I said. As fast as I could I was making my way back to the chair, flustered and rushing. But I had done it! I had spoken to the group. The first attempt was over, and I was ok and everyone was very nice.

After the rest of group had done their introduction, we split into pairs for a bit of light hearted debating - the pretence was PM's question time. We drew topics and choose a PM and an opposition leader, with the organiser, Ken acting as a not so impartial speaker of the house. Our topic was 'equal pay for women'. Kenny was the PM and I was to ask him 3 questions. Kenny proposed acceptance of the motion and he was expecting me to argue against him. I didn't. And to his horror I argued that we shouldn't just be making women's pay equal to men, we should be allocating additional tax credits to women for: a clothing allowance (for non-uniformed staff, after all we women can't wear the same old suit everyday like our male counterparts); another for looking after our male partners/husbands (like child credit, after all we look after then like another child!); and most controversially (judging by the stunned response of the males in the room) a Tampax allowance! By this point I was beginning to enjoy myself even though my voice was uncontrollable in terms of tone and pitch.

The rest of the room completed the exercise. Then we took a topic at random and the next exercise was to talk for 2 minutes (yes two minutes!) on the topic. They were random and varied! I got wood, which thankfully I felt ok about. It was getting easier to talk to the room. I got a few laughs. It was actually ok. I even managed to keep talking for 2 minutes. I felt so chuffed! The others did their stints and that was it.

I don't remember having laughed so much in such a long time. Laughed with over something I said or laughed at something someone else I might have only just met had said. The feeling of camaraderie was there and it's so rare and priceless. In the end, I would say, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was a stretch. In terms of personal development, it may be one of the most potentially important aspects that I can get from my JCI membership (and I am a regular attendee of the personal development sessions which are wonderful and varied).

If you want to develop your confidence at talking in public, or get some confidence as you have none and just could not if your life depended on it speak to a group, or if you want to brush up on your public speaking and/or debating skills - this is the group for you! It is relaxed, challenging, unpredictable, rewarding, scary, and fun. We hit the bar after for a wee G&T which I think (note to self) would have been better before!

Go on - give it a try! I am glad I did. And I shall be back again for more!

AJ